As you know from earlier posts, I was a cheater in a past life. I AM a good girl now and proud of it. As I sit back and look at the world, I notice that monogamy is uncommon but it’s something that is expected of us. Think about it, have you cheated? Have you gotten cheated on? Know anyone who is monogamous? Are they being cheated on?!? Point is, I’ve been on both sides and they both require discipline. Lots of thinking before acting. When I was a cheater, I would have to strategically plan my moves, how to keep my composure while in the presence of my man, would I have enough control to be able to stay low?, what if my side dude’s sex is better than my main?
There are so many more things you think of when you’re a cheater, it can consume you. You begin living lies while you step out and try to act like it fells natural. I would often feel guilty, disgusted with myself and like a hypocrite! I felt guilty because I had a commitment to my main but I would act like my side dude deserved more than my main, when that is the dumbest thing I could have thought. My main has BEEN down, through all my BS, he held me down. Why would I think another man deserves more than him? Instead of realizing what I had, I was too worried about what I wanted. LAME! And hypocritical because it was okay for me to do it to him but if I found out he had a side chick, I’d feel like I had the right to be upset. Smh
Drake has a song “Doing It Wrong,” you should hear it some time. There is a part in the song when he says,”We live in a generation of not being in love, and not being together. But we sure make it feel like we’re together, cause we’re scared to see each other with somebody else.” When I heard this, I thought it was the realest thing I’d heard in a long time. This is how our generation views relationships, at least Drake and I think so. We stay in relationships we really don’t wanna be in. We are just together, to say we with somebody. Sometimes, we don’t even care about the person we’re with, but we stay; hindering their happiness and our own. Because as cheaters, we’re selfish.
In the same breath, being faithful is difficult for someone who is accustomed to cheating. I have to stay focused on how much I care about my main and how much he deserves from me. I am blessed so I’m focused on mine. But for some reason I feel like there will always be a part of me that is tempted. It’s crazy! I’m in a better relationship now, than I ever thought I deserved. And I finally understand the importance of monogamy and loyalty. Anything short of being monogamous or loyal would be the biggest betrayal to my main; I don’t plan on doing anything to make him feel any less than what he’s worth, priceless.