Call me Goddess.
Shout out to everyone who has ever hurt me. Thank you to everyone who doubted me. Without you, I wouldn’t be as strong as I am today. You prepared me for the callus world we live in. You forced me to develop the self confidence I now have. You forced me to be my own biggest fan. You made me love myself when I thought it was your love that would make me feel whole. You made me great. I appreciate you.
So, yesterday the United States of America announced that Donald Trump would be the 45th President. I was in shock because I thought his racist remarks (since the beginning of his campaign,) shady political connects outside of the US and most recently his sexist ways being brought to light; I never imagined that my country, that I am so proud to be a citizen, would elect a person with such behavior into the White House. Let me say, this election was a despicable. I was not happy with the choice of the candidates and so it started out bad! I figured along the way, their both liars on some level. A liar is a liar is a liar. I did think Hilary seemed more manipulative and discrete regarding her indiscretions. But at least she has a background in working in the US Government for YEARS. It’s like you interview two candidates for a position, you don’t like either but you have to pick one. Your best bet would be to pick the candidate that has experience and not the candidate who knows nothing about the business or how it’s run and has already violated multiple standards you have for the employees that are already employed!!!
To the people that didn’t vote, it is your civil duty to vote. (That is all)
I could say the election is BS and the President it chosen by a small group of people we don’t know about (who the hell knows.) But the 2016 Presidential Election will go down as one of the most shameful events I will have witnessed in my lifetime.
Like I said, I was in a complete shock when I read that Donald Trump would be our next president. But soon after I felt sad and defeated, I took a sedative and I realized that none of this is in my control and I have to let go of the anger and pain. I have to accept the outcome of the election and all I can do now is see what this man can do for our country or better yet, what can the people of this country do for our future.
I’ve been going through something effecting me deeply lately and I wanted to share.Whenever I write my thoughts down and I’m in my feelings, I always feel like a weight has been lifted afterward.
I have no idea what changed in my body in July 2016 but it has resulted in me having a continuous breakout of hormonal acne. Let me say, I did suffer from acne as a teen and young adult but nothing this bad. My face has developed red bumps on my cheeks, jawline and most recently, my forehead. I went to a dermatologist for about 2 years before this and had visited her any time I had a skin issue. So of course, I made an appointment! [August 11]I see her, she gives me some creams and pills and tells me to use them and com back in a month (my skin is so bad, we discussed Accutane and I was registered by her, on that day.) I walk out of there with some sort of hope that when I come back next month, I’ll be given a strong medication to rid me of my “face demons.” My face got worse :/. I must confess, I’m a picker. There’s something satisfying about extracting whatever nasty stuff is in your skin.
Anyway (rolls eyes,) I go back to the Dr. [September 12] and she tells me my insurance won’t approve the medication just yet and I need to try another drug, not as strong, to see if it will resolve my issue. I broke down crying!!! I’m embarrassed to say it but I couldn’t hold it in, I felt like she was stealing all my hope in that moment. So, I sobbed and she was kind enough to make an appointment for me to go back next month and I walked out with my head hanging.
When I calmed down I thought to myself, “Why is this bothering me so much?! Why am I so vain?!” I am thankful for being alive and healthy another day but this huge insecurity is overshadowing that and clouding up my thoughts. It’s hard for me to appreciate the good cause the bad is pissing me off so much, I feel like I gotta handle that first. And I admire how smooth and clear everyone else’s skin is.Smh This stuff on my face has taken over my life. I don’t like to go out because I feel like people are staring at my face, people who do know me blatantly ask me “wtf is going on with your face?” and I literally have no idea what to say. I try not to wear makeup so my skin can breath and heal and I’m going into meetings/trainings for work, meeting new people with my face like this. This shit SUCKS!
A part of me feels guilty for being so vain. But this has definitely been a humbling experience. And once my skin is clear, I will never take it for granted. And I am going to stop picking, stop obsessing and stop worrying about these imperfections and start to recognize and embrace the traits I do like about myself.
I also feel disgusted with how much looks matter to me. I realize I’m still the same person now, I’ve always been and all this is, is a physical attribute I don’t appreciate lol.But it’s out of my control. All I’m saying is I need to start treating everyone equally, no matter what looks may perceive. I plan on being kind to everyone and staying positive because, as the NYC MTA reminds me,”Courtesy is contagious.”
If you are a female and your feet are covered all year round; I’m lookin at you sus.
That is all.
As you know, I was born and raised in New York City. I’ve lived here my whole life and I sometimes question; why is NYC the place to be? People come from around the world to live here. People hope for the opportunity to one day arrive here. I don’t mean to be obnoxious but my city seems pretty regular to me. Yes, NY is full of exciting things like fashion, money, power, culture; but I’m pretty sure any major city has these same elements. Maybe it’s mediocre to me because I’ve don’t know anything else. Maybe I’m oblivious to all the great opportunities that are at my fingertips, that I choose not to take advantage of. Maybe I feel a sense of entitlement to have these opportunities because this is my home.
I say all this to say, you don’t know what you’ve got, until someone else is appreciating it. Over the years, I’ve met people from around the world and they cherish being here. They are driven, work hard, don’t complain and enjoy the opportunities that come with being a part of this city’s greatness. They help me realize what an awesome place this is. Their passion drives me, makes me want to work harder, not complain as much and take advantage of my city. I can’t control my destiny but I can guide it. Sure can!
I ❤️ NY
I don’t believe in platonic relationships between opposite sexes. This pertains to new friends, not friends you’ve known since you were a child. Once you’re in your 30’s, your “friend” of the opposite sex has a tendency of becoming a bit more attractive, there’s a little more sexual tension and some jealousy transpires. I don’t have ANY “friends” that are male. It’s been my experience that males who I thought were my friends, at some point confessed they wanted to become romantically involved with me or I wanted to with them (lol, I’m no angel.) Thing is, it never seems to work out. While you were friends, you talked about people you’ve met, situations you’ve been in and relationships formed. This gives the person a preconceived notion of who you are and what you are capable of, in a relationship. These notions are then all that person thinks about when you become involved romantically and it’s held against you. I personally feel like friends shouldn’t become lovers and lovers can’t become friends. Once you’ve had sex, you’ve relinquished your relationship as friends. After sex, you’ve crossed a line of no return.
I could be wrong.