FYI, It was epic.
Personal
I’mma Be Me
I’m starting to realize that how I treat people is more important to me than how people treat me. I used to treat people how they treated me but I found myself being mean, nasty, passive aggressive and rude. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that I will be polite, helpful, compassionate and kind.
I will no longer allow the way people have treated me in the past, determine how I treat others in my future. At least I’ll know I did my part.
Trust Issues
I trust no one. I don’t put anything past anybody. I don’t because I used to be a low down dirty dog. There was a point in my life when I was not to be trusted, with your man, your business or your money. I lied, cheated and stole from people. But I learned quickly that karma is real and everything I was dishing out, I was not able to take. I would gossip about people with information they entrusted me with but be upset if someone spoke about my personal business. I used to cheat on my significant other before they had the opportunity to cheat on me; that way, if I caught them cheating, I’d have the upper hand and we could just call it even. But I would be hurt that they stepped out of our relationship. I won’t talk about what I stole or who I stole it from because I’m not sure of the statue of limitations of my crimes. I used to think it was ok to do things like this and was able to sleep at night. I didn’t feel any guilt for what I was doing. I was selfish. But karma caught up to me over the years and I became remorseful for all I had done. I became tired of hurting people. I learned to do right, be happy with what I have and be grateful for those who have my best interest at heart.
These are all things I did in my teens and as a young adult. I learned my lesson early in life. Thank God.
At the same time, throughout my life I’ve been surrounded by liars and frenemies. “Friends” who were there because they wanted something from me or wanted to get close enough to hurt me, cheating boyfriends, etc. One day I came to the conclusion that I’m a horrible judge of character, I’m gullible and I trust people too easily. I would give a person trust up front and then allow them to betray that trust. So I made a decision to change the way I approached new relationships. I would approach new relationships with caution and assess the situation as time went on. If I could trust that person, they would get to know the real me, if I decided I couldn’t trust that person, they would get the superficial me. At one point, I put a cap on those I let into my life. Sometimes I felt like I cheated myself out of opportunities to get to know new people and then I would remind myself of all the backstabbers and two faced people I’ve had in my life and think, it’s better to have a handful of real friends than a stadium full of fake friends. And all those who set out to hurt me in any way, it was not worth retaliating because karma would get them for me.
Group Texts Gone Wrong
So… Group messages can be a little tricky. You need to make sure whoever you include in a group text, is a willing participant and no one will get offended by any other recipient included in the text. When I publish a new post, I send out group texts to notify my contact list of the post. I do so in alphabetical order but as you can see above, my BFF did not want to be included in the same group message as another one of my contacts. In this case, my BFF responded to me in the group text and the “unwanted” party (and everyone else included in the text,) was able to see what was said. The “unwanted” party then responded and things got uncomfortable. Hilarious but uncomfortable, none the less.
Below, you will find an example where I was placed in a group text by someone (for the second time) and the other participant in that text was someone who did not have my phone number and I was not comfortable with them having my phone number. (I’m weird like that) If someone is going to have my cell phone number, let me offer it, don’t just randomly volunteer it because you’re too lazy to copy and paste to send the text separately! Ugh.
Lesson here: Group texts should be carefully considered before pressing “Send.” The damage they do is irreversible.
Pu$$y is Power
When I was 13, my uncle told me this. He was a pimp at the time, so I didn’t take anything he said seriously, considering how he treated woman. Besides, if woman were so powerful, how was he able to use and abuse them?! It didn’t make sense to me at the time but his statement was true. I know now what he meant.
Woman have the ability to get what they want, when they want and how they want.Woman control most situations. When (good) men see a woman with a need, they aim to fulfill that need. Whether it be mentally, emotionally, physically or financially, men want to please woman and it’s because of all that woman are. Men want to be appreciated by woman because a woman’s appreciation can be expressed until the end of time.
Unfortunately, since the beginning of time, woman have used whats between their legs to show gratitude. What they have not realized is this depreciates their value. If you’re giving your vag away for a night out on the town or a few dollars, what does that say about the value you see in yourself?!? You must not think your vag is worth that much if you’re giving it away so easily. And you can’t expect a man to give you control over anything when you show such low standards. Men feel they need to control or “guide” a woman like this because she doesn’t seem to make good decisions for herself.
There are also woman who withhold the vag. These woman have accumulated interest in their vag by making potential partners invest time and attention in them. Showing their standards to be higher, they gain control of the situation. The situation is in their hands now and whatever they decide, will be. Men are confident in giving a woman like this control of the situation because they are convinced that the woman knows what she is doing. And are more likely to be supportive in her decisions.
When you give your pu$$y power away too easily, it’s kind of like you are giving away your control of a situation. You see the prostitutes my uncle was dealing with gave their pu$$y power away too easily. They couldn’t control their daily lives, my uncle had to do so for them. They are now gone and forgotten. But if we value and hold onto our pu$$y power and use it for good; there will be nothing that can stop us and men will finally admit the power of the pu$$y is undeniable.
Thankful
I just want to take this opportunity to thank all of my followers and visitors. Every state, country and continent, I appreciate each and every one of you. Thank you for your support XOXOXOX
Sincerely,
YellowCupcake 😊
Incredibly Self Aware
On one hand…
I judge. I put my two cents in. I interrupt people while their talking. I gossip (minimally.) I cut people out of my life at the drop of a dime. I’m impatient. I shut down when I’m upset. I stress over little things. I have an ill attitude. I suffer from “Resting Bitch Face.”
On the other hand…
I’m kind. I care. I’m affectionate. I appreciate you. I’m empathetic. I’m driven. I’m honest. I’m independent. I’m dependable. I’m trustworthy. I’m loyal. My word is my bond. I don’t feed into nonsense.
And, if I care about you, you’ll see all of the above traits at some point in time in our relationship (please feel free to add anything I may have missed lol.) I know myself – good, bad and ugly. Keep in mind, The Lord ain’t done with me yet so bare with me.
If You Knew Better, You’d Do Better
If your text includes the phrase “bother you” (i.e. Sorry to bother you or Don’t mean to bother you.) It’s obvious you know you are being a bother; so do yourself a favor and don’t bother sending the text 📵✌️
The Walking Dead
I saw a dead body today. I was on my way downtown with my headphones on, music blasting. I saw people looking at something but it didn’t interest me what they were focused on. Then I heard a loud scream, I looked in the direction of the scream and saw a body laying on the tracks on the uptown side, face down in a puddle of blood. Naked from the waist down, both legs amputated and thrown on the tracks.
I’ve always wondered what it would feel like to see a dead body, outside of a funeral. It was something crazy. I was in shock. Could hardly breath and was stuck. I jumped on the next train that came just to get away from the madness.
I started to cry as I thought of how the body might have ended up there, how he/she died and the blatant disrespect people were showing the body. People were calling for police (who took forever to get there,) pulling out their phones to take pictures of the pieces and the train approaching the body (it stopped about 5 ft from it.)
I’m very much aware of our loss of value for life but I didn’t realize our value for the dead is just as low. That was somebody, with a life, a family and a story. All that body meant now was a train delay 😔
My Friend; The Polygamist
I have a friend that has become a polygamist, by default. Let me explain.
For confidentiality purposes, I have changed the names of the individuals in this post.
Linda was with Manny for 12 years; they grew up together. They met in high school and were inseparable. Manny took care of Linda and provided for her. Linda also carried her own weight and held Manny down. I am a witness, they loved each other very much. They had a child after being together 5 years and things continued to go well, minor bickering here and there but nothing to be concerned about.
About two years ago, they hit a rough patch in their relationship and argued on an almost daily basis. (*You know how dudes do, when they arguing with their chick or simply don’t wanna hear her mouth; they begin to go outside more. No more hours of playing X Box, smokin on the sofa or drinkin in the living room.)
Manny began to spend nights out and Linda knew what was happening but she was in denial, at first. Manny then moved out and Linda lost it. She was depressed but she was still able to function (work, take care of her child and take care of her household.) They maintained a co-parent relationship and ultimately began having sex again. This, to Linda meant, they were back in a monogamous relationship.
After not living together for a year, they agreed that they were going to work on their relationship and be together. At this time, Manny came clean and told Linda that he was hanging with a “friend” named Mary and began a relationship with her during the time they were apart. Manny then brought up the idea that Linda and Mary should meet and they should have a threesome. Linda was reluctant at first but ultimately agreed to do it. At first, Linda was having a blast; going on short stays for “sessions,” getting intoxicated and just feeling young, wild and free again.
During one session, Manny and Mary were knocked out and Linda decided to go through their phones. She noticed that they were texting and talking during the time in between sessions. They were using pet names to address each other and saying “I love you.” Linda became furious and flipped on them both. But if you don’t know by now, Linda’s a sucker for Manny and it wasn’t long before sessions were back on.
One day, Linda came up with the idea that the three of them (along with their child) should live together. Her view was, they were spending all this money on hotel stays, drugs and liquor; they could be using that to split for the bills in an apartment. All three parties agreed and they started making plans to move in together.
Mary and Manny were already living together in an apartment (unbeknownst to Linda.) So that is where they decided to move Linda and the child into.
At first, it was not that bad for Linda. Then she started noticing that Mary was doing things for Manny that Linda had been doing for the last decade i.e. laying out his clothes for work, running his errands and knowing exactly how he liked things. Then Linda noticed that when friends of Manny or Mary would come over, there were no introductions with the exception of her, these people had known Manny and Mary as a couple for some time now. When Mary had company over, Linda and the child was asked to leave until the company was gone. All of these were red flags and Linda knew it but again, as long as she was with Manny, it didn’t matter.
After a few weeks, Linda’s regret started to set in. She was miserable. Linda was jealous of Mary and vice versa. The women would have deep conversations with each other and when they were mad at each other, they would run and tell Manny all the other woman said. Manny would talk to each of them individually and when the women were upset, they would throw all of it into the other woman’s face. Manny is sick of the bickering and the headaches. It has become a sad, pathetic game where nobody is winning but no one wants to lose. They no longer have good times, the women participate in the sexual acts because they are so desperate to keep Manny happy, they are willing to be unhappy themselves.
I should also mention that Manny is abusive but neither Mary nor Linda seem to be too scared to leave him. When one is getting hit, the other attempts to “save” the victim and sometimes, they both get it.
As Manny and Linda’s child gets older, there are more questions being asked; more comments being discarded. It is only a matter of time before the child figures out what is going on. Children are smarter than we give them credit for.
My heart goes out to Linda but she is grown and can make her own decisions. They all continue to live under the same roof and I am sure I’ll be writing about them again.
Blindsided
Okay, so grab a snack and sit back and read this cause it’s a long one honey (rolls eyes)
My history in relationships:
First Lust
From the age of 16 through 18 I was with a boy. We got along great and I was definitely in love with him at the time but as I grew up and developed a better understanding of what love really is, I realize it was more lust than love.
The Ex-con
18 through 22 I was introduced to a convicted felon that had just came home from an 11 year bid. He was 18 years older than me but lied to me about his age when we first started talking. The person who introduced us was my “best friend” at the time, she thought I would be a nice piece of ass for her uncle once he came home and never expected us to have a relationship. This man was abusive ; physically and mentally. I thought I’d die before I was able to get out of this relationship. One day, I built up enough courage to be honest with him and tell him I no longer wanted to be with him. The next day I came home from work to find all my belongings in trash bags. I left and never went back.
Internet Boyfriend
23 through 26 I was with a man I met on Myspace 
(don’t judge me lol) We met and from that day forward, we were together 24/7. We got along well because we were both potheads. We stayed high and stayed together. I started to realize (when I was sober) we didn’t connect on a mental level and that made me lose interest in continuing the relationship. I told him how I felt and he began to act crazy; cutting up my clothes, making noise all night so I wouldn’t be able to sleep and anything he could do to make my life a living hell. I moved out while he was at work one day and never went back.
The One
27 to present I am with a man who I was introduced to casually. This man is like no other. He shows pride in being with me, treats me very well and we connect on every level there is. I love him very much.
Now let me add a little side note: I was never faithful in any relationship. If I felt some type of way, I’d just call up one of my standby’s and do what I had to do to feel good about myself, for the moment. I felt guilty afterwards but my motivation for outside attention was far more greater than my motivation to fix things in my relationship. It’s easy to like a new toy at first but you always go back to your favorite toy once you’re bored with the new one. I’m ashamed to say it like that but that’s how I feel and that was my impulsive reaction at certain points in my relationships.
Now, back to present day. In all my happiness, I decided to go on a lunch date with a dude SMFH. [I had no intention of doing anything inappropriate, just wasn’t thinking and being my impulsive self. I do what I want and don’t often consider others feelings; it’s a flaw, I’m working on it. I’m very self-aware of my flaws and continue to work on improving myself as a woman and a partner.] That morning, my man complimented me on my appearance and groped me lovingly. Other dude picked me up at my job and off we went. While out with dude, my man calls me and tells me he is in the area of my job and wants to see me. I tell him that I went out to eat with my friend and we were not at the office. He asked me where I was and I got attitude and asked,” Why?! You wanna come eat with us?!” He told me to forget it and we hung up. When dude drops me off at my job, my man hops out a car and starts asking me who dude is, why was I with him, etc. I was shocked and didn’t know how to respond. My anxiety level was at a 10. While my man is questioning me, dude pulls off, catches a red light at the corner and my man runs up to his car asking dude questions. Of course dude didn’t say anything and kept it moving.
My man then started talking about us breaking up and dividing stuff in our house. My heart sank into my ass. We didn’t talk for days and my heart was heavy. It took for me to do something so stupid and get caught, for me to realize I don’t ever want to do anything to jeopardize my relationship. If I ever consider doing something stupid, I’m going to remember that day and realize I never want to make him feel that way ever again. [This is the point in the story where I’m actually not sounding selfish] I need to become a better woman before I end up losing him to a better woman. I’m happy with him on every level and hope to be with him until I’m old and gray.
You May Want A Little Background Info…
I was born April 1984 in The Bronx, New York. I had a pretty normal childhood, full of great memories. My teenage years were full of rebellion. I experimented with drugs and with crime. I was arrested when I was 18 years old and spending a weekend in Central Bookings was a wake up call for me. I was not about that street life. I decided to go to college and lead an honest life. Once I turned my life around and started living honestly, I realized that what comes around definitely goes around. I went through several situations that were eye-opening to the fact that you can not put negative out into the universe and expect nothing in return. It will catch up to you, sooner or later.
After graduating from BMCC with an Associates degree in Business Management. I started working for a non-profit foster care agency. I then I went to Lehman for my Bachelor’s degree in Psychology. I’m considering going back for my Master’s degree but I’m not sure what my major would be.
I am now at a point in my life where I’d like to be a Counselor or Therapist of some kind. Lots of people volunteer information to me and I believe a big part of that is because they trust me. I take trust very seriously, now. Before I would gossip and tell people’s business and the drama would begin. I Hate Drama. It’s negaitive energy and its wack. So I made the decision to take people trusting me with information, very seriously. My trust has been betrayed a number of times over the years and by numerous people. That’s even more drama, so you can imagine how those situations went.
In saying that, I find it hard to trust people with MY personal business and so I thought, screw it!; I’ll let the whole world know how I feel and what I’m thinking.
I’ve decided to expose myself (mentally and emotionally) that is.
Yellow Cupcake 