yellowcupcakeblog

Be A Part Of Your Own Rescue

Posted on by Anita

I have a very small circle of friends. Some of my friends are in relationships that they are unhappy in. The thing that gets me is, if you’re unhappy with something in your life, change it. Stop complaining about your partner and the way they treat you and what they put you through and how they make you feel. As far as I’m concerned, a person can only put you through what you allow them to put you through. If you continue to be abused (mentally, emotionally, physically or financially) it’s only because you are allowing these things to happen to you. You stay in the relationship, hoping things are going to get better and things hardly change.

What kills me about these individuals is the complaining they do. I don’t wanna hear it. Your relationship starts to lose validity in my eyes. You’re arguing today and in love tomorrow but since you’ve told everybody about every spat, everyone knows your happiness is temporary. Pe0ple who really know whats going on, know what it is. What people in these toxic relationships may not realize is, they are doing this to themselves. Why continue to allow yourself to be mistreated? You’re basically giving your partner (or whoever it is mistreating you) the impression that it’s okay to do so. Why continue to stay in a situation where you are unhappy? That’s not living, that’s surviving.

I think people who stay in situations that are detrimental, are putting themselves through pain by staying in that relationship. I went through this myself. I was always trying to fix someone, when I finally realized, I could only fix myself. I still have room for improvement but I’m far from the sad young woman I used to be. I’m no longer afraid to cut people out of my life; if I can recognize that my best interest is not what they have in mind, they’re dismissed. You have two options: You can love me or Leave me alone.

But my job as their friend is not to express my opinion (even though I do sometimes.) My duty is to support them in whatever desicions they make, whether I agree with them or not. And if they fall, be there to pick them up. That’s my definition of a true friend.

If You Knew Better, You’d Do Better

Aside posted on by Anita

If your text includes the phrase “bother you” (i.e. Sorry to bother you or Don’t mean to bother you.) It’s obvious you know you are being a bother; so do yourself a favor and don’t bother sending the text 📵✌️

Cheaters: WINNING!

Posted on by Anita

As you know from earlier posts, I was a cheater in a past life. I AM a good girl now and proud of it. As I sit back and look at the world, I notice that monogamy is uncommon but it’s something that is expected of us. Think about it, have you cheated? Have you gotten cheated on? Know anyone who is monogamous? Are they being cheated on?!? Point is, I’ve been on both sides and they both require discipline. Lots of thinking before acting. When I was a cheater, I would have to strategically plan my moves, how to keep my composure while in the presence of my man, would I have enough control to be able to stay low?, what if my side dude’s sex is better than my main?

There are so many more things you think of when you’re a cheater, it can consume you. You begin living lies while you step out and try to act like it fells natural. I would often feel guilty, disgusted with myself and like a hypocrite! I felt guilty because I had a commitment to my main but I would act like my side dude deserved more than my main, when that is the dumbest thing I could have thought. My main has BEEN down, through all my BS, he held me down. Why would I think another man deserves more than him? Instead of realizing what I had, I was too worried about what I wanted. LAME! And hypocritical because it was okay for me to do it to him but if I found out he had a side chick, I’d feel like I had the right to be upset. Smh

Drake has a song “Doing It Wrong,” you should hear it some time. There is a part in the song when he says,”We live in a generation of not being in love, and not being together. But we sure make it feel like we’re together, cause we’re scared to see each other with somebody else.” When I heard this, I thought it was the realest thing I’d heard in a long time. This is how our generation views relationships, at least Drake and I think so. We stay in relationships we really don’t wanna be in. We are just together, to say we with somebody. Sometimes, we don’t even care about the person we’re with, but we stay; hindering their happiness and our own. Because as cheaters, we’re selfish.

In the same breath, being faithful is difficult for someone who is accustomed to cheating. I have to stay focused on how much I care about my main and how much he deserves from me. I am blessed so I’m focused on mine. But for some reason I feel like there will always be a part of me that is tempted. It’s crazy! I’m in a better relationship now, than I ever thought I deserved. And I finally understand the importance of monogamy and loyalty. Anything short of being monogamous or loyal would be the biggest betrayal to my main; I don’t plan on doing anything to make him feel any less than what he’s worth, priceless.

Can’t Take Those Coins With You

Posted on by Anita

Money is powerful but it’s not everything (to me.) Where I’m from, people live check to check and if they have no idea when that next check is coming, things can get ugly. But in the same breath, they spend their money on things they don’t really need, like the latest sneakers, shoes, purses, clothes or cars – which they can’t afford. I’m amazed and baffled by it all. Why do people with no money want to come off like they have money?! If you don’t have it, make due with what you have because you are going to go broke just to prove a point, you big dummy. You can walk around in $200 sneakers but if you don’t have money in your pocket for the bus or to buy some food, what good are those sneakers?!?

I learned that money is really not that important in my life. I mean, it buys things and helps me pay my bills. But what I’m saying is when I die, nobody’s going to remember how much money I had or how much I spent or what I brought them. We can’t take anything with us when we die. What people will be left with is the memories we created, the stories we told, secrets we shared and bonds we developed. So stop spending money on frivolous things and start investing your time into something that matters because when you really think about it, time is worth so much more than money.

Our Girls

Posted on by Anita

I never realized how important it is to instill values into children as early as possible. Growing up, I did well in school and it was often celebrated when I received my report cards and awards at ceremonies; this gave me pride in my education. My opinion was never asked for or listened to, in my household children were seen and not heard; this made me feel like nothing I said or thought mattered to anyone else and caused me to be introverted.  I was never told I was beautiful, so I always felt unworthy of trying to exude beauty; I was a tomboy until I was about 16 years old and wore large clothing to hide my body. When I did start to wear feminine clothing, I received lots of attention. It was nice to finally be acknowledged for something at face value. (I couldn’t wear my academic achievements, so it made me feel good to be recognized as “pretty” for a first impression.) But I didn’t realize that, for some people, the way they look is all that matters and being attractive trumps all. I’ve realized that in the years that I grew up and now, are very different times. I see females showing more of their body, acting provocatively and being careless with their most prized possessions. This makes me question whether they know their worth.

Actually, the answer to that question is quite clear, they have no idea what they are worth because they haven’t been shown to value themselves. In my opinion, it’s important for girls to know that they are intelligent, capable and worthwhile. They also need to be taught that it is important to be conscious of the way they present themselves. I’m not saying that they shouldn’t be allowed to wear what they want without being judged, I’m saying they should be taught to identify the difference between someone who wants their body and someone who appreciates their intelligence, personality, opinions and values.

As the adults in their lives, it’s up to us to help our girls understand this. I talk to young girls as much as I can, stressing the importance of education and professional drive. As well as the importance of keeping themselves safe, when it comes to sex. I sometimes feel like it’s not my place to talk to them about such things but if they’ve never heard anything like that before, maybe I can help one of them realize that they are priceless and their worth is unmeasured.

My Screenshot

Image posted on by Anita

This is my screenshot. It’s my lock screen and it’s things that I want to keep in mind on a daily basis. It’s purpose is to keep me positive and focused. It’s said that if you are reminded of your goals daily, you are more likely to accomplish them. We’ll see what happens 😁.

I often wonder what others screensaver’s signify. It’s kind of invasive but at least I can admit to my faults.

I Love My Hair, idc idc

Aside posted on by Anita

Ever since I was about 6, I have had my hair relaxed. I can’t blame my mom because I don’t like to deal with my hair when it’s wet either. It’s just too much.

Until recently, I have relaxed my hair every 3-4 months. I was due for a relaxer about 6 months ago and my hair stylist refused to do it. She told me that my hair did not need to be relaxed and I shouldn’t damage my hair with such chemicals. I figured, she’s a licensed hair stylist, she might be right. So I took her advice and decided to transition to my natural hair texture. I must admit, it’s going to take some getting used to. There’s no more smooth edges and that’s been my biggest insecurity. But who needs smooth edges?!? My hair is a lot thicker and I’m excited to see how it turns out. Point is, this is MY hair and I love it. I don’t care if nobody else likes it, it’s mine :p

The Internet: A Blessing & A Curse

Posted on by Anita

The internet makes a lot of things possible. It is able to bring you the world at your fingertips – literally. You can find practically anything on the internet like people from your past, bringing a new person into your life, practically anything you can think of purchasing and an unmeasurable amount of information.

The internet is a great resource for lots of things. You looking for somebody? Before you would have to look in a phone book or go to their old neighborhood and knock on doors or ask mutual friends. If you wanted to buy something, you would have to physically go to the store to buy it and pick it up or schedule a delivery. If you wanted information, you had to look in a dictionary, a thesaurus or an encyclopedia (or some other sort of book.) School?! you had to go there; it’s a big building with lots of rooms and desks and chairs, where kids go to learn and socialize. Job? you had to grind for that; going from place to place giving your resume out.

Now, all you need to do it press a few buttons and all of these resources are in the same place. I can not imagine my life without the internet now (I mean, that’s how I am able to connect with you guys) but I do know I had a life before the internet and how much life has changed because of it. Looking for someone? Finding them is easy on the internet! Whether it’s through social networks, search engines or companies that sell access to your contact information. Meeting a stranger is mainly achieved through social networking. If you’re in another city or on another continent, we can communicate on an almost constant basis, you can even video chat. You can purchase ANYTHING over the internet and have it delivered straight to your door. Information is supplied all over the internet from published works to made up rumors. Home school is now offered over the internet for grades Kindergarten through 12th grade. Applying for almost any job requires the use of internet.

These things all seem harmless. But think about it, the internet is giving us an excuse to be antisocial or too social. I remember when I used to stay out late as a kid, about 13 years old (late meant 8:30-9 pm in the summer time.) Would be in the park, talking crap or running around playing manhunt. Now kids just want to play on cell phones and tablets or watch TV (this last one is not the Internet’s fault.) On the flip side, you have people pretending to be other people and hiding behind an image, they are able to do this with the power of the internet. Think about it, ever seen Catfish?! I was watching that movie thinking, “This dude is an idiot!” and the sad part is, it happens to ordinary people everyday. I remember having to go to stores searching for what I was looking for. Now I can get exactly what I am looking for within minutes, without setting a foot on the floor. My experience with school was fun, there was not much of this bullying nonsense that goes on now, someone picked on you, you did the same thing back. There were not so many insecurities at such a young age. So now there is schooling offered form Kindergarten to Masters Degrees, via the internet. Growing up, the pedophiles had to come gawk at children in public, where they could be seen and embarrassed. Now they can satisfy themselves from the comfort of their homes. When I was young, you would have to beep me and wait for me to call you back. Now you we can FaceTime and you can see me and my surroundings in present time. Jobs required a hand written application and printed resume. Now you complete an application online and upload your resume. Wow, how things have changed.

The internet is a dangerous place, not just for segregating us but for victimizing us. People use it to prey on others. The internet is a liar, it plays on people’s insecurities, it hypes things up, it humiliates and it isolates. The power the internet has is amazing. I used to spread rumors and make people feel like crap with the things I would say about them or their appearance.  Doing things like this when I was younger helped me learned from my mistakes and saw that nothing positive came of these things. So I made it my business not to continue to do things that made ME feel negative. I think I felt worse doing it, than I was trying to make the person feel. Just imagine, that was with a small audience. Now, the world is the audience. People are taking their own lives over nonsense on the internet.

If you really think about it, we give the internet its power. If we didn’t do so much online, the internet would not be as important as it is. Just something to think about.