I seldom feel inspired
Someone once called me the “trunk of my family tree;” it meant that I was the foundation that balanced everyone in my family. I am The Fixer. With this title came great pride, optimism and pressure. I felt that if I could help everyone else with their stuff, I would feel fulfilled. That however, is not the case. It’s quiet the contrary; I feel drained, like I am not taking enough care of myself and as much as I give, I can’t catch a break. I try to stay positive and see the brighter side of things rather than focus on anything negative. So I thought to myself, “what do I need to feel better?”
Mercy is what I need. I am a strong, smart, independent and I usually will ask for help when I need it. At this point, I need support; emotional and metal support. This blog is sort of like therapy for me, I can be who I am and feel free in doing so without feeling judged. I have a tendency to let things build up in me and then I explode. At the same time, I don’t like to talk about these things with the people I am close with because I don’t want them to worry about me. This is something that many people I know, do. Life is tough enough, I don’t want to burden others with my shit! That leaves me looking for an outlet to express myself and lately, the things that have been going on in this world have me feeling down. But I remind myself to be grateful for who & what I do have in my life. And when you give love, you get love ❤️
As down as I feel, I still have to drive to care for and nurture my fellow man. And the things that I am witnessing right now have me hurting. Injustice, lack of compassion, lack of empathy, lack of understanding, lack of knowledge, it’s all overwhelming.
So as someone, somewhere, going through something; as you read this just know, everything is going to be alright. Things will get better. Someone, somewhere cares about you. You are special, you are important, you are loved. Sending you SO much love xo
I have this defense mechanism that I’ve used for as long as I can remember. I will have the desire to become close to someone, develop a relationship of some sort. Then my trust issues sink in and I start to doubt their sincerity. I know all is genuine on my end but the doubt I feel from their end is what makes me call it quits.
Sometimes I think I don’t need anymore people in my life. And sometimes I feel like I’m cheating myself out of an experience of meeting new people and experiencing new things. But I look at it as; I’d rather protect myself from the start, than feel like a sucker down the line.