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Someone once called me the “trunk of my family tree;” it meant that I was the foundation that balanced everyone in my family. I am The Fixer. With this title came great pride, optimism and pressure. I felt that if I could help everyone else with their stuff, I would feel fulfilled. That however, is not the case. It’s quiet the contrary; I feel drained, like I am not taking enough care of myself and as much as I give, I can’t catch a break. I try to stay positive and see the brighter side of things rather than focus on anything negative. So I thought to myself, “what do I need to feel better?”
Mercy is what I need. I am a strong, smart, independent and I usually will ask for help when I need it. At this point, I need support; emotional and metal support. This blog is sort of like therapy for me, I can be who I am and feel free in doing so without feeling judged. I have a tendency to let things build up in me and then I explode. At the same time, I don’t like to talk about these things with the people I am close with because I don’t want them to worry about me. This is something that many people I know, do. Life is tough enough, I don’t want to burden others with my shit! That leaves me looking for an outlet to express myself and lately, the things that have been going on in this world have me feeling down. But I remind myself to be grateful for who & what I do have in my life. And when you give love, you get love ❤️
As down as I feel, I still have to drive to care for and nurture my fellow man. And the things that I am witnessing right now have me hurting. Injustice, lack of compassion, lack of empathy, lack of understanding, lack of knowledge, it’s all overwhelming.
So as someone, somewhere, going through something; as you read this just know, everything is going to be alright. Things will get better. Someone, somewhere cares about you. You are special, you are important, you are loved. Sending you SO much love xo
In my evolution, I’ve learned; the most important thing in life is love. Love does indeed conquer all. With love, nothing is impossible. When I am filled with love; I feel no fear, no doubt, no grief. I get the most love from my daughter. She gives me the purest love I’ve ever felt. She takes care of me, she wipes my tears when I cry and does everything in her power to lift my spirits. Whenever I feel down, I think of her sweet gestures and I smile. My heart feels like it glows. I feel like I can do anything. I am filled with hope, peace and happiness.
In today’s society, there is little love present. It’s the most negative things that get the most attention. While positivity is found few and far between. Trolls rule the internet, media and our country. This shit is a disgrace. SMH but I have to remain hopeful for the future, for the sake of my daughter. Sure, she’s tough lol but the way society functions today; can easily make people sad, depressed and hopeless. But if you are reading this, please have faith, give love and be grateful. Spread Love 💕 The positive energy needs to drown out the negative. Because in the negative overpowering the positive, we’re screwed.
We need a revolution. A revolution of Love.
Happy New Year! May 2018 be your healthiest, happiest, most prosperous year yet! Love you xoxoxox
Shout out to everyone who has ever hurt me. Thank you to everyone who doubted me. Without you, I wouldn’t be as strong as I am today. You prepared me for the callus world we live in. You forced me to develop the self confidence I now have. You forced me to be my own biggest fan. You made me love myself when I thought it was your love that would make me feel whole. You made me great. I appreciate you.
As you may know from my previous post, “You May Want A Little Background Info…” I was born and raised in the Bronx, New York. Unless you’ve grown up here, it’s hard to describe the experience. Concrete jungle is fitting. Never the less, I grew up thinking that nobody made it out of the Bronx to be something great. I have always known I was different. I’ve always felt destined for greatness but I always had some doubt lingering.
Lately, I’ve been inspired by Cardi B, Desus & Mero and A$AP Twelvyy. They are all individuals from the Bronx who are living amazing lives. They all made it out of the hood and gave me a new found hope. I can be great too. I saw an interview with Cardi B and she stated, “I don’t know why God is so good to me. I’m not the nicest person.” I feel exactly the same way. I have done a lot of messed up things to people in the past and don’t understand how I am so blessed today. But I do know, I have done my best to make up for all the messed up things I have done. I’ve tried to maintain positive energy and a positive outlook on life and my future. When you are in the hood and surrounded by the hopelessness that lingers here, it’s challenging to keep your head up and your eyes open. When you’re surrounded by poverty and all that comes with it, it’s hard not to fall into that deep, dark hole.
What I can say is, I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately, reading self-help books, meditating, yoga and trying to stay in a positive space. In doing so, I’ve found that you are only a product of your circumstance, if you allow yourself to be. Never give up hope. Anything is possible. I’m not the most articulate but I know I’m smart. I’ve learned a lot from books but the streets taught me survival. I sure as hell ain’t soft but I can spread love ❤️. And for anyone else, feeling the way I felt, just know; The World is Yours. And don’t listen to anyone telling you something different.
Some are overwhelmed by my energy 🤷🏻♀️ I’m clearly not for everyone. And I’m okay with that.