Some people are full of love & light and some people are full of shit
As someone who was born and raised in the Bronx in the 80’s, this is what I grew up in. Sometimes I think it’s why I’m so rough, anxious, untrusting and doubtful of the government in this country. I used to look at other places around the world and I used to think, how could these people be in such positions of power?!? As I got older I began to see our country’s political and judicial systems as they were, an excuse to further their agendas while minorities went under.
Sometimes I wonder if it will ever change. If we will ever feel justice served, empathy and compassion from those who enforced segregation and judgement. They don’t care about us, they never have. I don’t want to lose hope but I’ve been seeing this happen for so long and it happens for so long before I was born. I have little doubt it will end before I die. This world is messed up and I hope things change because they should. My grandmother experienced racism, my mom experienced racism and now I’ve experienced racism. They things I’ve witnessed are despicable, where is the accountability for these people inflicting pain and trauma?! Will they ever take responsibility for their actions or will we continue to live together until the next time they feel like abusing and exploiting us as a people?!? I’m so tired. So many people don’t know the truth. The information is out there.
If you have hate in your heart at any capacity for another human being, I will say this to you, We all bleed the same red blood 🩸
So please don’t ask
I don’t fit in anywhere. I’m not sure how I feel about that. Sometimes it’s high and sometimes it’s real low.
I feel like nobody listens to me when I talk; so I just STAY quiet 🤫
Privacy is no longer private.
Shout out to every pen pal I ever had.
Someone once called me the “trunk of my family tree;” it meant that I was the foundation that balanced everyone in my family. I am The Fixer. With this title came great pride, optimism and pressure. I felt that if I could help everyone else with their stuff, I would feel fulfilled. That however, is not the case. It’s quiet the contrary; I feel drained, like I am not taking enough care of myself and as much as I give, I can’t catch a break. I try to stay positive and see the brighter side of things rather than focus on anything negative. So I thought to myself, “what do I need to feel better?”
Mercy is what I need. I am a strong, smart, independent and I usually will ask for help when I need it. At this point, I need support; emotional and metal support. This blog is sort of like therapy for me, I can be who I am and feel free in doing so without feeling judged. I have a tendency to let things build up in me and then I explode. At the same time, I don’t like to talk about these things with the people I am close with because I don’t want them to worry about me. This is something that many people I know, do. Life is tough enough, I don’t want to burden others with my shit! That leaves me looking for an outlet to express myself and lately, the things that have been going on in this world have me feeling down. But I remind myself to be grateful for who & what I do have in my life. And when you give love, you get love ❤️
As down as I feel, I still have to drive to care for and nurture my fellow man. And the things that I am witnessing right now have me hurting. Injustice, lack of compassion, lack of empathy, lack of understanding, lack of knowledge, it’s all overwhelming.
So as someone, somewhere, going through something; as you read this just know, everything is going to be alright. Things will get better. Someone, somewhere cares about you. You are special, you are important, you are loved. Sending you SO much love xo
My heart has been broken so many times; now, the love just pours out.
I can’t let the way I’ve been hurt, define the way I love.
I will always give love, because you get what you give.
Shout out to everyone who has ever hurt me. Thank you to everyone who doubted me. Without you, I wouldn’t be as strong as I am today. You prepared me for the callus world we live in. You forced me to develop the self confidence I now have. You forced me to be my own biggest fan. You made me love myself when I thought it was your love that would make me feel whole. You made me great. I appreciate you.
I go outside and I see people all around me, distracted on their phones, tablets and laptops. I go to work, people are checking timelines. I go to the gym, people are taking selfies. I go a restaurant and people are taking pictures of their meals and drinks. I believe that social networks are the only thing considered “social” anymore. Think about it, what period of time is the longest you’ve gone without checking your social networks? I know people that are constantly on their phones, scrolling, liking and commenting (with lots of emoji’s 😩.) Instead of focusing on whats happening around us in real time, people are too busy checking how many likes they got or who wants to follow them.
Social networks are anything but social. They seclude us. They make us hide behind posts that are usually to attract attention, whether whats in the post is reality or fiction. Posts are misconstrued, subliminal messages are left open for misinterpretation and pictures are misleading.
I have no social network account and consider myself a bit behind on whats going on with my family and friends however, I have much more personal ways of getting in contact with them and catching up with whats going on in their lives; phone calls, texts, family gatherings, in my opinion, these are all better than looking at a timeline on a screen and commenting for the world to see. My relationships don’t need to be validated by titles and links on FB. I don’t have to prove I’m happy with my man by posting pics for people to see. And I don’t need to prove my life is fulfilling, I just need to live it.