As you may know from my previous post, “You May Want A Little Background Info…” I was born and raised in the Bronx, New York. Unless you’ve grown up here, it’s hard to describe the experience. Concrete jungle is fitting. Never the less, I grew up thinking that nobody made it out of the Bronx to be something great. I have always known I was different. I’ve always felt destined for greatness but I always had some doubt lingering.
Lately, I’ve been inspired by Cardi B, Desus & Mero and A$AP Twelvyy. They are all individuals from the Bronx who are living amazing lives. They all made it out of the hood and gave me a new found hope. I can be great too. I saw an interview with Cardi B and she stated, “I don’t know why God is so good to me. I’m not the nicest person.” I feel exactly the same way. I have done a lot of messed up things to people in the past and don’t understand how I am so blessed today. But I do know, I have done my best to make up for all the messed up things I have done. I’ve tried to maintain positive energy and a positive outlook on life and my future. When you are in the hood and surrounded by the hopelessness that lingers here, it’s challenging to keep your head up and your eyes open. When you’re surrounded by poverty and all that comes with it, it’s hard not to fall into that deep, dark hole.
What I can say is, I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately, reading self-help books, meditating, yoga and trying to stay in a positive space. In doing so, I’ve found that you are only a product of your circumstance, if you allow yourself to be. Never give up hope. Anything is possible. I’m not the most articulate but I know I’m smart. I’ve learned a lot from books but the streets taught me survival. I sure as hell ain’t soft but I can spread love ❤️. And for anyone else, feeling the way I felt, just know; The World is Yours. And don’t listen to anyone telling you something different.
I agree. I’d rather give you money, than have body contact with you.
Beautifully organized chaos.
I came across these two pieces of art randomly within the last two weeks. I first encountered the drawing of the man, outside of a train station exit. I thought he was beautiful (imperfections & all,) and snapped a picture. A few days later, I came across a piece by Don Van Vliet (the artist formerly known as Captain Beefheart.)
They connected in my mind. A man and a woman, smeared in each other’s direction. They just seemed like they were made for each other 🙌🏽. That is all.
Means one of two things; you’re petty or you’re a coward. 😭😂
In order for me to accept your apology, it has to include some variation of one of the following words:
Sorry, Regret, Remorse, Apologize.
I looked out of the window, onto a construction site and saw a man praying. I was so surprised, intrigued, proud and compelled. My first thought was, “why is this man kneeling on the dirty ground?” I then realized his shoes were off and he was praying. I became overwhelmed with emotion, noting that it was amazing to see the faith of a human being demonstrated in such a dedicated way. Amongst all the debris, he simply chose a spot to pray, and did so in the most eloquent way. It was beautiful. FAITH is beautiful, no matter the one you choose.
It has somehow become acceptable in society to be rude & immoral. It has some sort of an intriguing effect on people.
I was brought up to be kind and respectful to others. Watching humans treat each other unjust makes me angry and confused. Listening to the pointless arguments and bigotry is disappointing.
We need to do better because things are progressively getting worse.
Peace ☮️ & Love 💟
Let me start by saying, I do not share my personal business with anyone. It’s nothing personal, it’s just I’ve learned from past experiences that sharing personal your personal business will get you judged, be held against you and/or make your personal business the topic of others conversation. All of these things have happened to me before and made me come to the conclusion that: I just don’t trust people!
That being said, people often have no idea what gripes I’m dealing with in my life. I am the type of person to let you unload all your mess on me and I just listen. I DO NOT repeat what I’m told so it all just accumulates inside of my chest and mind. Lately, I’ve been having a few people dump their mess on me and I’m feeling quite overwhelmed. I’m feeling like a huge pile of 💩. I listen to people’s drama and problems and talk with them about how to alleviate their issues but mine stay in the dark, under a cover in the back of my mind. Slowly, my anger and anxiety have grown and I think I’ve reached a point where I need to cut myself off from these people and handle my own issues.
A part of me feels guilty for feeling this way. Abandoning the people who depend on me as a listening ear and selfishly handling things for myself as they continue in their woes. I feel a sense of responsibility for other human beings and their well being. I’m not sure if that makes me a saint or a sucker.
Some are overwhelmed by my energy 🤷🏻♀️ I’m clearly not for everyone. And I’m okay with that.
The only criticism I’m willing to accept, is constructive. Anything else, you can keep to yourself.
My mind has been foggy lately. There is so much going on in the world, it makes me restless. There is so much I want to do to help better people’s lives but I feel like that is impossible but I know it is possible. I have this voice inside of me that screams every time I witness an injustice but my mouth says nothing and I continue on with my day and tell myself “mind my own business, this has nothing to do with you.” But it does have something to do with me. I realized that I care about other people deeply enough to want to look out for them. In order to make energy a little less awkward, tense and aggressive and a bit more comfortable, productive and cohesive. I want “positive vibes only” lol. I want people to feel more like one unit (the human race) and less like war opponents.
We are all made of the same cells, we may not be created equally but we are created uniquely. And instead of using what makes us different from one another to collaborate and create change, we simply ostracize each other. Let’s focus on how alike we are and build on that feeling of understanding. I don’t believe any man/woman has the right to take the life of another man/woman because theirs can be taken just as easily. Therefore, we are all created equal. No matter religion, ethnicity, skin color, beliefs or sexual preference. People are so afraid of being themselves for fear that they will be treated negatively. That’s not what we are here for. We were created to grow, prosper and prepare the world for the next generation. We argue over the dumbest things so how could we focus long enough to fix bigger issues?!
There is so much hate in this world and the violence is nightmarish. I fear for the next generation because things have been bad in this world while I was growing up and I’ve only seen things are getting worse. It scares me. And still, all I do is scream in my head about things I cannot accomplish. So I thought for a while about what I would tell the human race, if given the opportunity; and I came up with,”We are the top of the food chain,if things are going to change, it’s going to be up to US to get it done. No excuses.” And changing things for the better is something I know we CAN do.
P.S. I know I’ve been away for a long time but this is like my online journal that the world can see. I’m thankful to have such an outlet where I am exposed to so many and have no idea who you are but I appreciate you, whoever you are.
If you can’t control yourself, how can you have control over anything else in your life.