BX Stand Up

As you may know from my previous post, “You May Want A Little Background Info…” I was born and raised in the Bronx, New York. Unless you’ve grown up here, it’s hard to describe the experience. Concrete jungle is fitting. Never the less, I grew up thinking that nobody made it out of the Bronx to be something great. I have always known I was different. I’ve always felt destined for greatness but I always had some doubt lingering.

Lately, I’ve been inspired by Cardi B, Desus & Mero and A$AP Twelvyy. They are all individuals from the Bronx who are living amazing lives. They all made it out of the hood and gave me a new found hope. I can be great too. I saw an interview with Cardi B and she stated, “I don’t know why God is so good to me. I’m not the nicest person.” I feel exactly the same way. I have done a lot of messed up things to people in the past and don’t understand how I am so blessed today. But I do know, I have done my best to make up for all the messed up things I have done. I’ve tried to maintain positive energy and a positive outlook on life and my future. When you are in the hood and surrounded by the hopelessness that lingers here, it’s challenging to keep your head up and your eyes open. When you’re surrounded by poverty and all that comes with it, it’s hard not to fall into that deep, dark hole.

What I can say is, I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately, reading self-help books, meditating, yoga and trying to stay in a positive space. In doing so, I’ve found that you are only a product of your circumstance, if you allow yourself to be. Never give up hope. Anything is possible. I’m not the most articulate but I know I’m smart. I’ve learned a lot from books but the streets taught me survival. I sure as hell ain’t soft but I can spread love ❤️. And for anyone else, feeling the way I felt, just know; The World is Yours. And don’t listen to anyone telling you something different.

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I agree. I’d rather give you money, than have body contact with you.

Looks like they’re made for each other

I came across these two pieces of art randomly within the last two weeks. I first encountered the drawing of the man, outside of a train station exit. I thought he was beautiful (imperfections & all,) and snapped a picture. A few days later, I came across a piece by Don Van Vliet (the artist formerly known as Captain Beefheart.) 

They connected in my mind. A man and a woman, smeared in each other’s direction. They just seemed like they were made for each other 🙌🏽. That is all.

Apology accepted.

In order for me to accept your apology, it has to include some variation of one of the following words: 

Sorry, Regret, Remorse, Apologize.

Pardon My Ignorance 

It has somehow become acceptable in society to be rude & immoral. It has some sort of an intriguing effect on people.

I was brought up to be kind and respectful to others. Watching humans treat each other unjust makes me angry and confused. Listening to the pointless arguments and bigotry is disappointing.

We need to do better because things are progressively getting worse.

Peace ☮️ & Love 💟

I Do My Dirt All By My Lonely 

Let me start by saying, I do not share my personal business with anyone. It’s nothing personal, it’s just I’ve learned from past experiences that sharing personal your personal business will get you judged, be held against you and/or make your personal business the topic of others conversation. All of these things have happened to me before and made me come to the conclusion that: I just don’t trust people!

That being said, people often have no idea what gripes I’m dealing with in my life. I am the type of person to let you unload all your mess on me and I just listen. I DO NOT repeat what I’m told so it all just accumulates inside of my chest and mind. Lately, I’ve been having a few people dump their mess on me and I’m feeling quite overwhelmed. I’m feeling like a huge pile of 💩. I listen to people’s drama and problems and talk with them about how to alleviate their issues but mine stay in the dark, under a cover in the back of my mind. Slowly, my anger and anxiety have grown and I think I’ve reached a point where I need to cut myself off from these people and handle my own issues. 

A part of me feels guilty for feeling this way.  Abandoning the people who depend on me as a listening ear and selfishly handling things for myself as they continue in their woes. I feel a sense of responsibility for other human beings and their well being. I’m not sure if that makes me a saint or a sucker.

I’ve noticed 

Some are overwhelmed by my energy 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m clearly not for everyone. And I’m okay with that.

The What House?!?

So, yesterday the United States of America announced that Donald Trump would be the 45th President. I was in shock because I thought his racist remarks (since the beginning of his campaign,) shady political connects outside of the US and most recently his sexist ways being brought to light; I never imagined that my country, that I am so proud to be a citizen, would elect a person with such behavior into the White House. Let me say, this election was a despicable. I was not happy with the choice of the candidates and so it started out bad! I figured along the way, their both liars on some level. A liar is a liar is a liar. I did think Hilary seemed more manipulative and discrete regarding her indiscretions. But at least she has a background in working in the US Government for YEARS. It’s like you interview two candidates for a position, you don’t like either but you have to pick one. Your best bet would be to pick the candidate that has experience and not the candidate who knows nothing about the business or how it’s run and has already violated multiple standards you have for the employees that are already employed!!!

To the people that didn’t vote, it is your civil duty to vote. (That is all)

I could say the election is BS and the President it chosen by a small group of people we don’t know about (who the hell knows.) But the 2016 Presidential Election will go down as one of the most shameful events I will have witnessed in my lifetime.

Like I said, I was in a complete shock when I read that Donald Trump would be our next president. But soon after I felt sad and defeated, I took a sedative and I realized that none of this is in my control and I have to let go of the anger and pain. I have to accept the outcome of the election and all I can do now is see what this man can do for our country or better yet, what can the people of this country do for our future.

Lost

My mind has been foggy lately. There is so much going on in the world, it makes me restless. There is so much I want to do to help better people’s lives but I feel like that is impossible but I know it is possible. I have this voice inside of me that screams every time I witness an injustice but my mouth says nothing and I continue on with my day and tell myself “mind my own business, this has nothing to do with you.” But it does have something to do with me. I realized that I care about other people deeply enough to want to look out for them. In order to make energy a little less awkward, tense and aggressive and a bit more comfortable, productive and cohesive. I want “positive vibes only” lol. I want people to feel more like one unit (the human race) and less like war opponents. 

We are all made of the same cells, we may not be created equally but we are created uniquely. And instead of using what makes us different from one another to collaborate and create change, we simply ostracize each other. Let’s  focus on how alike we are and build on that feeling of understanding. I don’t believe any man/woman has the right to take the life of another man/woman because theirs can be taken just as easily. Therefore, we are all created equal. No matter religion, ethnicity, skin color, beliefs or sexual preference. People are so afraid of being themselves for fear that they will be treated negatively. That’s not what we are here for. We were created to grow, prosper and prepare the world for the next generation. We argue over the dumbest things so how could we focus long enough to fix bigger issues?!

There is so much hate in this world and the violence is nightmarish. I fear for the next generation because things have been bad in this world while I was growing up and I’ve only seen things are getting worse.  It scares me. And still, all I do is scream in my head about things I cannot accomplish. So I thought for a while about what I would tell the human race, if given the opportunity; and I came up with,”We are the top of the food chain,if things are going to change, it’s going to be up to US to get it done. No excuses.” And changing things for the better is something I know we CAN do.

P.S. I know I’ve been away for a long time but this is like my online journal that the world can see. I’m thankful to have such an outlet where I am exposed to so many and have no idea who you are but I appreciate you, whoever you are.

I’mma Be Me

I’m starting to realize that how I treat people is more important to me than how people treat me. I used to treat people how they treated me but I found myself being mean, nasty, passive aggressive and rude. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that I will be polite, helpful, compassionate and kind.

I will no longer allow the way people have treated me in the past, determine how I treat others in my future. At least I’ll know I did my part.

Incredibly Self Aware

On one hand…

I judge. I put my two cents in. I interrupt people while their talking. I gossip (minimally.) I cut people out of my life at the drop of a dime. I’m impatient. I shut down when I’m upset. I stress over little things. I have an ill attitude. I suffer from “Resting Bitch Face.”

On the other hand…

I’m kind. I care. I’m affectionate. I appreciate you. I’m empathetic. I’m driven. I’m honest. I’m independent. I’m dependable. I’m trustworthy. I’m loyal. My word is my bond. I don’t feed into nonsense.

And, if I care about you, you’ll see all of the above traits at some point in time in our relationship (please feel free to add anything I may have missed lol.) I know myself – good, bad and ugly. Keep in mind, The Lord ain’t done with me yet so bare with me.